theeonlyheartbreaker camilla-rekt

image
image
image

made a mug the other day

theeonlyheartbreaker butchdykeorpheus

sorry to still be mentally ill over the locked tomb but for all that i keep seeing people emphasise alecto's apocalyptic rage, alecto as an eldritch horror shackled into the body of a barbie doll, etc etc i feel like it cannot be overlooked that Nona Is Still In There. she may not remember it, but alecto is still nona. nona was still alecto. alecto's rage and nona's love come from the same depths. the nona who laughed at pyrrha's stupid jokes and wore goofy t-shirts to make little children laugh and got excited for her birthday is the same nona who broke her hands and feet in a blind bloody screaming rage when she woke up to find herself (once again) in chains. i did not spend 480 pages watching nona love recklessly and wholly and extend that love to every small thing, every person and creature she connected with, loving a life lived with her little found family in borderline poverty in a warzone, to believe that alecto is the monster the lyctors described her to be or to believe that alecto won't still love just as recklessly

theeonlyheartbreaker rennland

image

lady of the ninth house, reverend daughter harrowhark nonagesimus and her quasi-sworn beefcake

theeonlyheartbreaker jacketpotatoo

image

“Hell spat you back out. Fair enough.”

theeonlyheartbreaker feverdreamdrifting

i am standing at the intersection of catholicism and ancient internet culture. gideon the ninth speeds through a red light and kills me instantly

theeonlyheartbreaker henreyettah

image
image

Drew Wake and Mercy for the bracket thing I’m doing. I love middle aged women

theeonlyheartbreaker feverdreamdrifting

i opened up the first page of gideon the ninth and my girl gideon was packing up all her military porn magazines and I had it horrendous for her right off the bat. the way I had it didn’t even have time to get acquainted with the bat. the bat and the way I had it have never even met tbh

theeonlyheartbreaker tenyai

image
image
image

Some good ol’ unhinged Kaz Brekker (+ridiculous doodles). Hats off to Freddy Carter for slaying it this season, just nonstop outstanding performance!

theeonlyheartbreaker rentedlamp

my art style has changed a lot since drawing this but I think this will always be the best harrow I ever draw

image

like. that's her. that's exactly what she looks like. in my brain while reading tlt she looks just like this.

theeonlyheartbreaker nonagesimitis-symptom

image

I love Nona & Camilla

theeonlyheartbreaker camilla-rekt
theeonlyheartbreaker stressedot

image

cut the head off

theeonlyheartbreaker thefebruaryfriday

you know what i DO want to talk about? that scene on top of the truck where nona’s arguing w varun, and varun asks “do you love?” and nona says, “yes - no yes. i don’t know what it means. i say it, but i dont know what it means. did i ever know what it meant?” which is truly heartbreaking to hear from a character who’s spent the entire book up until now loving most everything she lays her eyes on with nearly reckless abandon.

and fifty pages later - after paul’s birth (pyrrha saying, “it’s not love, what you’re about to do. it’s a mistake.” being almost immediately replied to with, “the perfect friendship, the perfect love.”/”life is too short, and love is too long.”), and kiriona’s interrogation (”okay. different question – do you love her?”), a near constant barrage of “what does love really mean?” and “what is love?” and “what would love make you do?” “what lengths would you go to for love?” when she’s already struggling with the idea of knowing if she’s felt love at all - she very nearly gives in to that despair, the lack of certainty that she knows what her feelings mean and that she’s allowed to feel them. she’s mourning, and she’s not able to reach pyrrha through her grief, and everyone else she’s with is more broken than she’s ever seen them before. but then paul reminds her of noodle. and nona, in a moment of lurching panic, decides to live, if only just to save noodle.

to me, that’s a devastating moment of raw, human love. it’s like that moment in alien (1979) where ripley’s about to abandon ship, and then goes back when she realises jones (the ship cat) is still on board. nona was ready to let them all die, hopless and lost and sad, every one of them– but noodle, a sweet yet unimportant pet, is what brings her back.

and i think that’s what make’s paul’s statement of, “it’s done, it’s finished. you can’t take loved away.” hit as hard as it does. she’s just had this crisis of faith in her own personal belief system of loving-things-for-the-sake-of-loving-them, only to have it reaffirmed, and is now facing the abyss of personhood, facing returning to a self who was hurt and was deeply angry, going so far as to say, “i’ll be different…and palamedes – i won’t love him…i won’t love anything, i won’t know how.”

paul says, “don’t worry,” (even though she just explained why she was worried), “we loved you too,” because maybe nona’s right and she won’t know how to love anymore, but she needs to know that she did. she did love, and she was loved, and there was never a doubt in anyone elses mind that she loved them fully and completely and genuinely. maybe she thought she was faking it, maybe she thought she was just making it up, but it was real, and now it’s done, and no one can take it away. no one.

theeonlyheartbreaker wifegideonnav

image

Gideon does magic 🪄

theeonlyheartbreaker dyke-in-crisis

image
image

I will NEVER get over this line in my entire life